Going to college is a super scary and intense experience for first time students. After spending a majority of your life in your parents’ home, you are all of a sudden living in a tiny dorm room, maybe in a different city or state from where you grew up, and you are all alone.
On my first day of college, my parents dropped me off at school, helped me set up my dorm room, and then we said very tearful goodbyes. While spending the first night of college away was super tough for my parents and me, and we were all pretty miserable in the moment, it was the right call for our family, and made the separation a bit easier for all of us in the long run.
However, not every family takes this approach. One North Carolina mother and daughter duo, Lori and Taylor Higgins, recently made news after a mother spent the first night of college with her daughter in her daughter’s dorm room. Needless to say, this drew both the praise and ire of parents and students alike on social media. Some found it a sweet gesture, while others claimed it could set the student back on her college journey. (1)
The concept of a parent spending the first night of college with their student isn’t a totally new concept, and is not always portrayed negatively. Popular show Gilmore Girls has a whole episode dedicated to the concept of a mother easing her daughter into college life by spending the first night of school together.
We’ve gone ahead and rounded up everything you’ll want to know about this story: why this mom spent the first night of college with her daughter, and what experts have to say about parents who do this.
Why Did This Mom Spend the First Night Of College In Her Daughter’s Dorm Room?
According to an interview with TODAY, Lori Higgins said that “She’s my firstborn, so the last few months have been really hard, you know, picturing life without Taylor in the house,” and that having a bit of additional time made it easier for both to say goodbye. Additionally, Lori accompanied Taylor to meet her RAs, eat in the dining hall, and meet new friends in her dorm. (1)
Now, it would be easy to assume that Taylor wouldn’t be totally on board with this, but she actually was. Taylor told TODAY that “I wanted her to sleep over,” and “we’re just so close and I didn’t want to be alone.” Taylor went on to note that having her mom spend the first night was super helpful for her anxiety. (1)
What Were the Reactions to This Mom Spending the First Night of College In Her Daughter’s Dorm?
The reactions to Lori and Taylor’s first night of college sleepover were definitely a mixed bag. Some found it super sweet, with one user writing, “I lost my mom last year and seeing this absolutely warms my heart. Seriously ignore any negative comments and soak up every moment. Good luck to her!”
Other users were not as supportive,.TODAY reported that one user wrote, “This is gross and weird. Have some boundaries. Say goodbye to your kid and go cry in the car like everyone else. Let them live their lives. That’s what you brought them up to do.” (1)
Is It Okay for Parents to Spend the First Night of College With Their Children?
According to Dr. Jeffrey Arnett, developmental psychologist and Senior Research Scholar at Clark University, the answer all depends on what your child feels most comfortable with. Dr. Arnett told Sleepopolis he advises parents to ask their child what they would prefer, and that “some will feel reassured if you do, others will definitely NOT want you to. Overall, it’s probably better for them to start meeting people they’ll be living with rather than going out to dinner with you.” (2)
Dr. Arnett also notes that a parent spending the first night of college with their student really won’t have a major impact on their time at college, saying that, “it’s not going to matter in the long run.” (2)
If you’re a parent and you’re looking to prepare your student and yourself for college Dr. Arnett recommends doing things with your student that you enjoyed doing while they were growing up, like experiencing their “favorite restaurants, favorite games, favorite movies.” He also noted that, “your emerging adults will be back, of course, many times over their college years, but they will never come back as ‘kids’ again.” (2)
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Sources
- Abrahamson, Rachel P. Mom sleeps over in daughter’s dorm room on her first night in college: Sweet or selfish?. TODAY. August 14, 2024. https://www.today.com/parents/teens/mom-college-dorm-room-sleepover-rcna166542
- Arnett, Jeffrey. Personal Interview. August 29, 2024.
