It’s a pretty commonly held belief that Hollywood marriages don’t last very long. However, it seems that beloved actress Bette Midler has cracked the code to having a long lasting marriage while working in show business. It’s the internet’s favorite couples sleep trend — sleep divorce.
When asked in an interview with Entertainment Tonight while she was promoting her latest film, The Fabulous Four, Bette reflected on her marriage to her husband of forty years, Martin von Haselberg. After being asked what the secret to a successful marriage was, Bette coyly answered “separate bedrooms,” elaborating that “[her] husband snores.” (1)
You might be curious about what sleep divorce is, and why sleep divorce works for so many couples. We’ve gone ahead and broken down the ins and outs of sleep divorce: what sleep divorce is, why people do it, and how to do it without hurting your better half.
What Is Sleep Divorce?
Sleep Divorce is the practice of couples splitting up for bedtime, by sleeping in separate beds in separate bedrooms. For some, this makes it easier to get quality sleep while still being able to cohabitate with their partner. Sleepopolis’s Dr. Shelby Harris defines sleep divorce as, “when a couple decides to sleep in separate beds or separate rooms due to differences in sleep patterns, habits, and preferences that are disrupting the quality of their sleep.”
Why Do People Go Through With Sleep Divorce?
Typically, sleep divorce occurs when people have incompatible sleeping styles or if one partner has sleep habits or a sleep condition that interrupts their partner’s sleep. In Bette’s case, her husband snores, and that keeps her from getting a good night’s sleep.
According to Dr. Harris, sleep sivorce is actually pretty common for couples “to be fully compatible in most aspects of their daily life, but incompatible when it comes to their sleeping habits and preferences.”
Can a Sleep Divorce Hurt My Relationship?
The answer varies depending on how you go about a sleep divorce with your partner. If you approach a sleep divorce with resentment and by blaming your partner for things that they cannot control, then that could definitely have an impact on the health your relationship. However, if you and your partner have mutually agreed on a sleep divorce, and you are both comfortable with the idea and the process of sleep divorcing, than there is no reason that sleep divorce should be a mark of death for your relationship.
In Sleepopolis’s Sleep Divorce Report, which analyzed American’s opinions on sleep divorce, Dr. Harris remarked that, “for a sleep divorce to work, it should be fair. That means both partners are willing to give it a shot and that one person doesn’t secretly resent the other for suggesting it. It also means that your sleeping arrangements should be equal (no hogging the comfortable bed while your partner is relegated to the lumpy couch!) and that you both have to be open about discussing your specific sleep issues.”
Dr. Harris also notes that, when done ethically, sleep divorce can be super beneficial for couples, noting that “sleep divorce, when consciously made as a decision together, can actually bring couples closer together as it lets go of any resentment related to poor sleep.”
Should I Get a Sleep Divorce?
If you are struggling to get a good night’s sleep with your partner, and all other interventions have failed, then it might be time to consider sleep divorce. Talking to your partner about your sleep concerns is a great first step, and can help you both feel more comfortable about the idea of sleeping separately.
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Sources
- Dominic, Anthony. Bette Midler says the secret to her 40-year marriage is separate bedrooms (exclusive). Entertainment Tonight. July 25, 2024. https://www.etonline.com/bette-midler-says-the-secret-to-her-40-year-marriage-is-separate-bedrooms-exclusive-229652
