All the Pros and Cons of Sleeping Alone

For parents, couples, and siblings in large families, bed-sharing may not feel like much of a choice. Now, if your bedmates are quiet and cooperative, sleeping with company may not be so bad. On the other hand, if your nightly slumber is punctuated with the sounds of the buzz saw grabbing air next to you or the shenanigans and tomfoolery that only a toddler could come up with, you may lay awake at night daydreaming (because you’re certainly not sleeping) of sleeping alone. And while flying solo certainly may have its perks, there are some drawbacks to consider. 

As part of this year's 25 Days of Giving campaign (check this page for daily giveaways every day through Christmas!), Sleepopolis is taking a closer look at how to share a bed (and a bedroom): whether it's with your partner, pet, sibling, or you're sharing a bedroom due to downsizing, or you don't have a spare room. In the spirit of the holidays and 25 Days of Giving, we're putting a spotlight on sharing.

Benefits of Sleeping Alone

PRO: Better Sleep 

In one for the PRO column, Dylan Petkus, M.D. tells us that dyadic research (the study of sleep patterns in couples) has found that couples sharing a bed enjoy better sleep — despite the noise, space invasions, and whatever else may come with it. 

In one particular study that investigated the sleep of couples that sleep together vs. separately, Petkus highlights some pretty significant benefits to sleeping together, most notably: 

• A 10 Percent Increase in REM Sleep: Co-sleeping is associated with approximately 10% more REM sleep compared to sleeping alone. (1)
  
• Less Fragmented REM Sleep: When sleeping with a partner, REM sleep is 30% less fragmented, with fewer interruptions. (1)
  
• Longer Continuous REM Sleep Fragments: Researchers also found that co-sleeping resulted in longer undisturbed REM sleep segments — couples averaged 22 minutes compared to 13.4 minutes when sleeping alone. Petkus adds, “This is important because the longer your REM fragments are, the more restorative your sleep is.” (1)

Beyond the boon to your REM sleep, Maristella Luccini, sleep consultant and senior clinical researcher at the Nanit Lab, tells us that studies have shown that couples who share a bed report fewer insomnia symptoms, shorter sleep latency (the time to fall asleep), longer sleep duration, and less fatigue. (2, 3) We’ll add here that none of this applies to sleeping with your kids. (2)

Luccini notes that, Interestingly, while objective measures (from a device worn on a wrist) suggest people may sleep slightly worse when sharing a bed — due to movement or disturbances — subjective reports (from surveys) show that they actually prefer sleeping with a partner, underscoring the psychological benefits. 

PRO: Improved Mental Health 

And speaking of the psychological benefits, Luccinin adds, “Studies also show that sleeping with a partner can reduce depression, anxiety, and stress while improving overall life satisfaction and social support. Since mental well-being is linked to better sleep, this emotional bond may indirectly enhance sleep quality.” (2)

PRO: Peace and Quiet 

As much as we love them (partners or kids), sharing a bed comes with a generous helping of noise and movement from other living and breathing sources. All of the above tends to translate to fragmented, poorer-quality sleep. On the other hand, sleeping alone “allows you to rest without disturbances such as snoring, tossing, or a partner’s midnight movements,” says Annika Carroll, sleep expert and CEO of Sleep Like a Boss. It can also mean zero disruptions from your spouse coming to bed later than you or your dog leaning into his base instincts and “making his bed” at 2 a.m.

PRO: Temperature Control

Different room temperatures or bedding preferences can be challenging when sharing a bed. And we’re not just talking about the nightly negotiations. Carroll says, “Body temperatures can directly influence melatonin production and, in turn, your sleep quality.” (4)

So, whether it’s keeping the room cool, keeping it warm, or layering on blankets as needed, sleeping alone means you have full control over your sleep environment and can optimize it to suit your needs without compromise. 

PRO: More Space

For those who sleep in a crowded bed, this one’s for you. “Having the bed to yourself means there’s no need to share or fight for space,” says Carroll. There’s no one forcing your arms into uncomfortable positions and no beings pushing you to the edge of the mattress. The entire bed is yours to what you wish — stretch, change positions freely, or sleep spread eagle if you like — the world is your oyster. 

PRO: Control Over Your Sleep Schedule

When sleeping with a bedmate, you might turn in at a certain time each night, but your actual sleep time is heavily dependent on your partner. And if they like to watch TV or check out late-night happenings on the Gram, everyone’s sleep will suffer. 

If you’re going solo, however, Carroll says there’s no delay; you (and you alone) call the shots. In other words, you can manage your sleep and wake times (without worrying about your partner’s routine). “Ultimately, this makes it easier to stick to your ideal sleep schedule and wake up feeling more rested, says Carroll.  

Drawbacks To Sleeping Alone 

Sleeping alone may have its benefits, but for some folks, hitting the hay companionless may not be the bowl of cherries they thought it would be. The fact is, there are some important drawbacks to sleeping alone that you may want to consider before you grab your blanket and pillow and head down the hall. 

CON: Reduced Intimacy and Connection

Behavioral sleep medicine clinician and host of the radio show Sleep Science Today, Andrew Colsky, JD, LPC, LMHC, says, “Intimacy is not always planned, so sleeping in separate beds leaves little to no room for spontaneity.” 

Carroll adds, “Sleeping with a partner fosters physical closeness and releases oxytocin, the “cuddle hormone,” which reduces stress hormones like cortisol.” (3,5) And while this sense of intimacy can enhance relaxation, studies have shown that a bump in oxytocin can improve sleep by reducing sleep latency (the amount of time it takes to fall asleep) and increasing sleep efficiency (the amount of time you spend asleep compared to the total amount of time you spend in bed). (3) 

Incidentally, this same study found that sleeping next to your partner enhances not only emotional intimacy but also emotional satisfaction in the relationship — couples opting to go it alone may run the risk of missing out on that. (3)

CON: Feelings of Loneliness

In a separate but related note, Carroll adds that for some, “sleeping alone can lead to a sense of isolation or a lack of emotional comfort. This can make it harder to relax and fall asleep and increase stress levels. And if you didn’t see it coming, all of the above can have a negative impact on your sleep. 

Moreover, Carroll adds, “Several studies suggest that sharing a bed with a partner may improve overall sleep quality by fostering a sense of security and emotional comfort, helping some people fall asleep faster and sleep more deeply.” 

CON: Missed Health Clues

Finally, Carroll cautions, “Many health conditions, such as obstructive sleep apnea, are first detected by a partner noticing symptoms like loud snoring or pauses in breathing. (6) Sleeping alone may prevent this early detection. Clearly, this isn’t the primary reason to have a bedmate, but it’s still an important consideration. 

While many people look at their sleeping arrangements as an all-or-nothing kind of deal, Luccini notes that some couples may find the answer in a mixed strategy — sleeping separately during the workweek but reuniting on weekends, as it helps balance sleep and relationship needs.” The decision to part ways and sleep alone is a personal one. Luccini reminds us that “there’s no ‘one-size-fits-all’ solution regarding sleeping arrangements. The key is experimenting with different approaches until you find what works best for both partners’ sleep quality and relationship priorities.” 

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Sharon Brandwein

Sharon Brandwein is a Certified Sleep Science Coach and a freelance writer. She specializes in health and beauty, parenting, and of course, all things sleep. Sharon’s work has also appeared on ABC News, USAToday, and Forbes. When she’s not busy writing, you might find her somewhere curating a wardrobe for her puppy.